why?

i found out whats autism.
i went to orchard.
n learnt how to go round shopping malls n ride escalators.
though i prefer being mentally retarded.
shopping malls is smthg akin to being mentally retarded.
though its being mentally retarded in a different sense.
cos it has MPH.
and various bookstores.
which are not so mentally retarded.
n i found a book.
if life is a game, these are the rules.

If Life is a Game, These are the Rules
Cherie Carter-Scott
In workshops and retreats, on photocopies and emails, on noticeboards and
fridge doors, the 'Ten Rules for Being Human' have been spreading round the
world like wildfire, so, in all probability, you've already seen them. In case you
haven't, they're brilliant, and here they are, together with Cherie Carter-Scott's
summary of how you can use them as a primer for higher consciousness.

Rule One
You will receive a body. You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the
duration of your life on Earth.

Rule Two
You will be presented with lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal
school called ‘life.' Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to
learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed
them as part of your curriculum.

Rule Three
There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation, a
series of trials, errors, and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as
much a part of the process as the experiments that work.

Rule Four
A lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons will be repeated to you in various
forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can
then go on to the next lesson.

Rule Five
Learning does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If
you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

Rule Six
‘There’ is no better than ‘here’. When your ‘there’ has become a ‘here,' you will
simply obtain a ‘there’ that will look better to you than your present ‘here’.

Rule Seven
Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about
another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

Rule Eight
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources
you need. What you do with them is up to you.

Rule Nine
Your answers lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

Rule Ten
You will forget all of this at birth. You can remember it if you want by
unravelling the double helix of inner knowing.

Summary
Your time here on Earth is brief. Time passes and things change. You have
options and choices in which to make your wishes, dreams, and goals become
reality.
When you ask yourself, ‘Why am I here?’ or ‘Why is this happening to me?’ or
‘What's it all about?’ turn to your spiritual primer. Ask yourself, ‘What is the
lesson?’ If you hear a defensive reaction using the words ‘never’ or ‘always’ in
your response, you haven’t yet learned the lesson. Next, go a little deeper and
ask, ‘What is there for me to learn from this experience?’
Each time you view your circumstances as possessing value, regardless of the
apparent confusion or hardship, you grow. Your personal evolution will
depend on how readily you embrace your lessons and integrate them into your
life. Remember, the only consequence for resisting lessons, is that they will
keep repeating themselves until you learn them. When you have learned a
lesson, you will always be tested. When the lesson is learned, the test will be
easily passed, and you then move on to more complex and challenging ones.
You can look back on the incidents in your past and see clearly the lessons you
have learned, resisted, and are still repeating. ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow
is a mystery, and today is a gift, that is why we call it the present.’
It is more challenging to look at your present situation and see exactly what
your lessons are. Looking into the future is the most difficult. Wishing that
you had already graduated from the school of life does not accelerate your
progress or make the lessons any easier. Examining the situation for the real
lesson is the scavenger hunt.
Remind yourself that you are here to learn lessons. Be present with your
process. Pay attention to what you are experiencing. Be diligent with actions
which enable you to ‘get' the lessons presented to you. Ask for answers and
you shall receive them. Listen with an open heart. Explore all options. See
your judgment as a mirror. View each crisis as an opportunity. Trust yourself.
Believe in yourself. Look within yourself, to your higher self, for guidance on
all your choices. Extend compassion to yourself.
Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons (Rule Three). Love yourself,
trust your choices, and everything is possible!

this book is...
like...
takin the words out of my mouth...
n not puttin it i my style...
so i still prefer lao zi...

Daybreak.

lee chum ming
grace ti hii sie
kong sook yee
lee chee wei
chan lin teng
hor peck yan
yee wai yin
wong wai yee
liew kuan sung
chong tai sie
wong choon hiong
paul raymond
...

names.
not of mothers.
but of mentally retarded people.
there are more of them.

memorising names is hard.
especially when they come in packages of more than 11.
recallin offhand is torture.
especially as i worked with mentally retarded people.
i gradually became mentally retarded.
no offense meant,
but i salute mentally retarded people.
they are more suited to this mental challenge.
an interesting type of mental torture.
which includes willpower.
and power to stay awake.
and power to withstand boredom if u are awake.

what i did was simple.
i took 2 pencils.
inserted them into a sealing plastic.
inserted an eraser.
with the picture side facing d right side up.
seal it.
this process took me less than 30 seconds.
and i repeated it for 2 hours.
but they repeated it for 6 hours.
while i skipped from inserting pens,
to sealing bottle caps,
to checking holes in gloves.
back to sealing pencils.
and they are still more energetic.
waving byes while i saw them go.

they are individuals.
same as us.
each with common characteristics of their own.
but each unique on their own.
they may not be homosapiens,
but an entirely different species,
due to their special chromosomal number
or they may be homosapiens
with some parts of their brain functioning differently
or some disease which crippled them

yet god,
if there is one,
gave them what they had.
or mayb their mothers did.
but i dont care one way or another.

some of their speech may be slurred.
some of them may be shy.
some of them may not know numbers or letters.
yet they listen.
yet they understand.
yet they are ready to befriend.
yet they are ready to help.
yet they whole in their innocence.
(except for creeping up someone's back and poking their ribs)

the point is,
they too have mothers.
though some of them has passed away.
nevertheless,
its a reason.
as good as any reason is.

they have life.
n they have their right to live it to their fullest.

mornin after d storm-solitude

a monday mornin.
early drizzle against d window pane.
droplets of water.
giving no mercy.
relentless.

here i am.
just me and u.
staring into d rain.
my faithful partner,
loneliness.

raindrops fall where they will.
leaves fall as they wish.
wind, the king of the sky.
clouds, its slave.

gone.
all gone.
every1 is gone.
gone with d wind.
as wind comes and goes.
they will return.

but now they r gone.
left u with me.
ur presence.
like a stone in my heart.
heavy.
heavier.

i embrace u.
welcome, my friend.
the one who understands me most.
u will b my strength.
t pull me through.
my wings.
so i can fly.
my force.
to endure.

im human.
a being governed by nature's laws.
a being with limitations.
yet a being deemed special.
though its not.
of intelligence.
of emotion.
its strength.
yet its undoing.

solitude.
will not be eternal.
as this is life.
and life dictates.
time.
its supervisor.
d wheel of time weaving as it wills.
threads of life.
entwining.
entangling.
inevitably.

till then,
i bask in ur glory,
my friend.

d weekend. THE weekend.

a hurricane of a weekend.
which went pass.
with lots of hugs.
n some chocolate.
definitely 1 of d craziest i ever had.
as i ve never been crazy bfore.
n that amounts t lotsa fun.
what with pubs, food n wetness.
1 can nevar gt enough of it.

clowns. as clowns may be.

life may be a circus ring.
we may be clowns upon it.
indeed.
theres a clown in every1.
yet its up t d clown.
t b a happy 1,
or a sad 1.
t entertain.
out of our hearts.
or out of duty.
the choice.
lies within us.

a visit to a mom

six cars in a line.
passengers wearin black.
lined wit silver and gold.
to smwhr called bandar kinrara.
t visit a mom.
and a baby.
theres a rabbit.
in a cage.
and a baby.
wit red cheeks.
life.
a new life.
the begining of a new life.
which would end.
like all life do.
as nature dictates.
to grow.
to mature.
the urge to find a mate.
to seed our offspring.
to leave our legacy.
to die.
death.
the opposite of living.
while death is the absence of life.
its what that makes life precious.
life is nt everlasting.
so short a life.
yet so long a death.
yet as there is death.
there is new life.
a perfect circle.
the cycle of life.

never mind.
talkin nonsense again.
but why is there life?
humans come from zygotes.
chickens come from eggs.
zygotes and eggs r formed by parents.
parents r formed by ancestors.
ancestors r formed by simple microorganism.
n where do our unicellular ancestors come from?
whats the first spark which triggered the first replication of RNA?
why did they form?
high pressure?
temp?
electric current?
magnetic field?
random atomic collisions?
abiogenesis?
from a meteorite?
that first spark will bring a whole new dimension.
nt only duplicating life.
but creating life itself.

sorry.
more nonsense.
anyway, visitin ms ko was fun.
i gt t carry her baby.
which amount t d same as hugging her baby.
babies need touch.
shes jus like a puppy.
though carrying a puppy is different.
i love dogs.
just that my mom doesnt allow me t have 1.
chocolate would be nice.